FUDDY MEERS

Tonight was our second-to-last performance.

Mom came, as did several colleagues from work. It's always very nice to see friendly, familiar faces in the crowd (and by crowd, I mean 43 people).

And it was a terrific audience, very responsive to the actors who were very responsive to the audience...ah, live theater.

In other news...there's other news. But I'm going to sit on it for a few days. Just to be a pest.

In which I receive another complimentary rejection from a major publisher

This was forwarded to me from my agent, regarding my novel Galileo's Aim:

Thanks for your patience as I considered GALILEO by Joshua Corin. The author is a great storyteller, and the book demonstrate some of the best line-by-line thriller writing I’ve seen in a while. The scene of Catch’s death, cutting back and forth between hospital rooms, is especially vivid, and the dialogue between Tom and Esme is consistently sharp. But I’m afraid that ultimately the novel just didn’t pull me in the way I’d hoped. Esme doesn’t leap off the page as a vibrant lead, and while the story has some great moments, on the whole I didn’t find enough to really distinguish it from the thrillers out there. Fiction is an increasingly tough racket, and I just wasn’t as enthusiastic about this novel as the author deserves, and as it would need to make a big splash. I’m sure another editor will see it otherwise. Please know that I was glad to have a chance to consider the novel, and I hope you’re able to find a great home for it.

Can't feel too bad about that, I suppose, eh?

Noah's Elegance

Seth is not my only brother. My youngest brother, Noah, is an assistant manager at a bank, owns a house in the delightfully-named town of Cumming, and is married to a very patient schoolteacher named Kelly.

Noah also has a blog.

Here are his thoughts for today:

It can be very difficult trying to control two bodily functions at once. Most of us have been a victim of this helpless condition. The mildest form is the Snart. The Snart occurs when you are sneezing and uncontrollably release a fart. This can be tough to control. The power of the sneeze rushes through the body and completes itself out the other end. While Snarting is common, it is also very maskable. I recommend over dramatizing the sound of the sneeze so the sound of the fart is lost in the masking noise. This condition, while sometimes embarrassing can also be a little funny.

Moving onto a more serious condition, the Shart. Although Snart and Shart sound alike, their results are not. Sharting can be one of the worst bodily function experiences of your life. It usually isn't a one and done deal either. Sharting consists of the release of a fart in combination with unexpected....Shit! Sharting often leaves its victims wondering if it is okay to fart at all. The possibility of it being more than just a fart can be crippling to the mind and to the stomach as well. Sharting can be quite messy and can sometimes be gagging in smell. Beware of the runner when Sharting. The runner is a leak that streaks down the legs as a result of a poorly contained Sharting incident. I am unaware of any way to mask the Shart.

I'm sure you're thinking, what's worse than a Shart? Well, there is worse. It's called Pukarrhea. Pukarrhea is very rare, but is also one of the most embarrassing experiences any person will ever go through. The name alone makes even the common reader squeamish. The act of Puking and having Diarrhea at the same time is Pukarrhea. I know you're wondering now, how is that possible? It's simple, the force of your body releasing the puke causes your mind to forget about the other end, much like the Snart. I don't need to tell you how messy this is, but I will. If you've chosen to puke face first into the toilet, you've left your legs vulnerable to the big D. It's the chocolate spa treatment you never wanted. Choosing to sit on the toilet while letting the mouth fountain go to work can lead to unbelievable splashing, staining floors and walls for years.If you have a weak stomach, I don't recommend reading what you just read. Be careful out there, these diseases can strike at any time!

Yum?

What tv shows am I currently watching?

Earlier tonight, my producer Kristy asked me what current TV shows I watch on a regular basis.

I figured I'd share my list with the you:

Battlestar Galactica
The Big Bang Theory
Burn Notice
CSI
Damages
House
Law & Order
Law & Order: SVU
Lost
Medium
Scrubs
The Mentalist
The Office

Now as to my favorite TV shows in my lifetime (not counting any of the above), that list gets a little more extensive:

Batman: The Animated Series
Boston Legal
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
The Cosby Show
Firefly
Freaks & Geeks
Gilmore Girls
Homicide: Life on the Street
Le Femme Nikita
My So-Called Life
Oz
The Practice
Quantum Leap
Seinfeld
Sports Night
Star Trek: The Next Generation
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
The West Wing
The Wire

Maybe I watch too much TV?

Yesterday...

...was my brother Seth's birthday.

His son Benji was born on February 11, 2009. Seth was born on February 23, 1980. I know because I was there. Until February 23, 1980, I only had a sister (although Heather more than makes up for any insecurity that might come from being the sole Corin girl).

Seth was the most cherubic child you can imagine. Always full of kindness. Always with a smile. Physically, he was the spitting image of Ralphie from A Christmas Story.

Seth was my most constant playmate in the household. He and I would enact my action hero imaginings, using toys as props and our bedrooms as our universe.

I left for college in 1993, just as Seth was on the cusp of puberty, so I never really never got to be there for his first love, his first heartbreak, his basketball games, his graduation from high school...

And now my first brother has a solid job at State Farm, a wife, a house, a collection of exotic weapons, a kick-ass tattoo, and a baby boy. And he has never lost his inherent sense of right. Always full of kindness. Always with a smile.

Happy birthday, Seth.

Oscar-itis

I'm back (and, to quote a great Larry Miller routine, this time I mean it)!

Last night was the Academy Awards. Or the Tonys - at times I wasn't entirely sure which. I have never understood the merit in using theatrical devices (songs & dances) to honor a cinematic award. In my opinion, the best bits from Oscar shows past have been the Errol Morris short films, like this one from 2002:




Honoring movies with a movie. Crazy idea, I know.

All in all, I was very pleased with the Academy's selections. I haven't seen Milk yet (I am lactose intolerant) but I am looking forward to it. I saw Slumdog Millionaire on Saturday with Meghan and I absolutely loved it. Meghan enjoyed it too (although she wasn't expecting it to be so dark).

Speaking of....

Meghan and I are no longer together. For one, she's back in Long Island - oops, I mean ON Long Island. One is not in Long Island. I've been schooled in this. Also, and more seriously, she ended our relationship. Since she and I started to date, the number and frequency of my panic attacks have increased. This could be a coincidence...but it also could be something more serious, and so this week I've started putting in calls to therapists. Meghan can't stand hurting me, and even the possiblity that her presence or actions may be precipitating a panic attack - and therefore causing me pain - is too much for her to handle. And I understand that.

She and I remain very close friends, and the possibility of renewing our relationship once the therapy takes hold is, unless I am misinterpreting, at the forefront of her desires. I know they are at the forefront of mine. We still love each other. We always will.

Which brings me back to the Academy Awards.

Ever since I can remember, I've wanted to be a writer. Ever since I was 10 or 11, I've watched the Academy Awards (usually live, a few times recorded). Every year. And watching the show always reminds me how badly I want to win one of those golden statuettes. I call this sensation Oscar-itis. It affects my imagination and forces it to craft what it believes are "Oscar-worthy" premises. However, the fact of the matter is that I write comedies and I write thrillers. Dramas win Oscars, and dramas are not in my wheelhouse. And that's fine. I enjoy writing comedies and thrillers. I just have to make them so good that they can't NOT be nominated. After all, The Usual Suspects won. So did The Silence of the Lambs.

All I have to do is want it enough and to try.

And I will, Meghan. I will.

I am a health nut!

Sorry about the absence. Life engulfed me for a few days. I'm relearning how to swim in it.

This is what Meghan and I ate today:
Dunkin Donuts for breakfast (at 12pm), McDonalds for lunch (at 8pm), and Walmart doughnuts for dinner (at 12am).

We are role models.

Also, I love her.

Happy Valentine's Day

Benjamin Jacob Corin

Height: Hard to say since he's on his back
Weight: A bag of apples
Eye color: My blue heaven
Hair color: Narragansett Beach
Favorite activity: Sleeping
Favorite uncle: Josh*


*That's right, Noah, the competition is on!

Vaccines do not cause autism

You know that medical report from a few years back which proposed a link between the measles-mumps-rubella (MMR) vaccine and autism? Turns out it was falsified.

Not to fear, though. Any parent who was foolish enough not to immunize their infant before this revelation will still be foolish enough not immunize their infant after this revelation. And Charles Darwin laughs and laughs...

Mad props

Murphy's Law #811: Sometimes props & costume shops that one needs to be open on Sundays are closed on Sundays.

...but sometimes there are located near great used bookstores.

WhiteKnot.org - Marriage Equality

WhiteKnot.org - Marriage Equality

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Yes, this is the world you live in

My mommy's famous!

Food for thought

Eight (get it? get it? get it?) of my favorite restaurants, in geographical order:

The Inn (Warwick, RI)

Aunt Carrie's (Narragansett, RI)

Carnegie Deli (New York, NY)

Two Boots Pizza (New York, NY)

The Spot Diner (Binghamton, NY)

Chick-Fil-A (various)

The Capital Grille (Atlanta, GA)

The Apple Pan (Los Angeles, CA)

Can you tell I'm hungry?

IMHO (Gefilte fish edition)

Experts say that the 20th century was the American century. These experts usually happen to be American, but that surely is just a coincidence.

Well, I'm not just an American. I'm a Jewish-American. And as a Jewish-American, let me point out that the 20th century was not simply the American century but, more accurately, the Jewish-American century.

Don't believe me?

Nibble on these truth nuggets, hopscotch:

• Annie Hall, robots, Microsoft, Herzog, "White Christmas", quantum mechanics, Hollywood, affordable personal computers, "Blowin' in the Wind", the theory of relativity, Oracle, subatomic physics, monetarism, Rhapsody in Blue, big band music, American musical theatre, the Chicago Seven, stage magic, talkies, comic books, detente politics, the left-handed perfect game, the nonfiction novel, the Marx Brothers, Israel, Death of a Salesman, the New Deal, the atomic bomb, Google, CBS, birth control pills, lo-fi music, the polio vaccine, Disney tunes, The Odd Couple, "Send in the Clowns", Las Vegas casinos, E.T., Choice U.S.A...

To be more specific:

• Woody Allen, Isaac Asimov, Steve Ballmer, Saul Bellow, Irving Berlin, Niels Bohr, Harry Cohn,Michael Dell, Sammy Davis Jr., Bob Dylan, Albert Einstein, Larry Ellison, Richard Feynman, Milton Friedman, George Gershwin, Samuel Goldwyn, Benny Goodman, Oscar Hammerstein, Abbie Hoffman, Harry Houdini, Al Jolson, Jack Kirby, Henry Kissinger, Sandy Koufax, Stan Lee, Norman Mailer, Groucho Marx, Louis B. Mayer, Golda Meir, Arthur Miller, Henry Morgenthau, Robert Oppenheimer, Larry Page, William Paley, Gregory Pincus, Lou Reed, Richard Rodgers, Jonas Salk, Robert & Richard Sherman, Neil Simon, Paul Simon, Stephen Sondheim, Bugsy Siegel, Steven Spielberg, Gloria Steinem...

I rest my case.

Billy The Gun

The real blockbusters

IMDB has a fascinating article up about the top grossing films of all time, adjusted for inflation. Yes, the usual suspects are still there - Titanic, Star Wars, Gone with the Wind - but what's surprising (or at least easily forgotten) is the sheer volume of Disney flicks on the list.

For those who just don't want to click on the link, here are the top 10:

1. Gone with the Wind
2. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
3. Bambi
4. Star Wars
5. Pinocchio
6. Fantasia
7. The Sound of Music
8. 101 Dalmatians
9. Jaws
10. E.T.