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Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Good news (finally!)

1. Mom's home from the hospital! Her energy level is still bouncing back from last week's intense surgery, but her spirits are high. She remains a model of perseverance.

2. Dad got a new job! Remember a few weeks back when I announced he got a new job? Well, it turns out the company that had hired him ended up flaking out. Not so much with this new job (which starts on Tuesday).

Not to brag or anything, but my parents are awesome, eh?

(Word count: 21,979)

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Get Thee Behind Me, God

Two weeks ago, I had the privilege of attending my college's Honors Banquet. For one evening, we were able to acknowledge and award the achievements of our hardest-working, brightest-thinking students. I helped present the Theatre Award. For that, my colleague Janet Hollier and I performed a faux-Oscar cue-card schtick that seemed to go over well. It was her idea.

A few minutes before the evening began, as I skimmed my program, I noticed that the first item on the agenda was the invocation. The invocation? What would we be invoking? The stage handlers had buckets of dry ice clouding up the front of the stage. Would we be invoking the spirit of Aleister Crowley?

The time came for the Banquet to commence. I took my seat. The student president, Brandon Bragg, stepped up to the podium. Brandon was one of my advisees, and there are few students I admire more at GPC. Not surprisingly, he was the big winner that night when the award tally was taken.

What happened next I don't blame on Brandon. He is a young man of faith, and I applaud his conviction. He hopes to be a minister some day, and his congregation will be very fortunate. Brandon stepped up to the podium, welcomed us for attending, and then led us in the invocation.
The spirit we were invoking at the state-sponsored event was, as I'm sure you guessed, the Holy Spirit. I shouldn't have been thunderstuck...but I was. Granted, the separation of church and state is not explicitly Constitutional (the phrase actually comes from a letter Thomas Jefferson wrote 13 years after the Constitution was ratified), but to invoke Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit at an explicitly secular event such as this seemed to me a teensy bit wonky.

Perhaps I'm overly sensitive about such things. Perhaps I was just upset because I was one of the few in the audience who disagreed with the content. Perhaps I'm simply naive. This is Georgia. These things happen in Georgia. I should get over it, right?

No, I shouldn't. Faith (and faithlessness, as the case may be) belongs in a person's heart, and should be shared in a person's place of worship. Should the campus of a public college be yoked to a place of worship? Universities are often called cathedrals of the mind. That's supposed to just be a metaphor, yo.

There is a lot to like about Georgia. There is even more to like about my college here. I am fortunate to work with some truly gifted instructors and some extraordinarily selfless human beings. My students have run the gamut, to be sure, but it is honor to teach them, every single one. But instruction doesn't just happen in front of a black board. How a college as a whole behaves is instructive as well. What lesson was the college offering at the Honors Banquet when it laid Christian theology as its bedrock?

If I appear passionate or long-winded here, it's only because I've been dealing with the same material, quite coincidentally, in my new novel Galileo's Aim. I could in fact go on and on, link what happened at the Honors Banquet with the magnification of Reverend Wright, but I think I've said enough and besides, it's almost dinner, which means it's time for me to reacquaint my soul with its one true god: Chick Fil A (which, yes, is a Christ-based restaurant...but Chick Fil A is a private company, not a public college, so pfft).

(Word count: 21,322)

Monday, April 28, 2008

Studio 60 on the West Wing


Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip was a short-lived comedy-drama from Aaron Sorkin. It was his follow-up to The West Wing, which, in at least the four seasons he was involved, was one of smartest, wittiest, and most insightful shows on television. Previous to The West Wing, Sorkin also wrote the tremendously underappreciated Sports Night for ABC. Needless to say, when Studio 60 premiered, expectations were very, very high. Nevertheless, the first episode received positive reviews and attracted a sizable audience.

And then came the second episode.

And the third.

Critic reaction began to turn. The audience began to vanish. By Christmas, Studio 60 was on hiatus. By June, it was history.

I remember enjoying the series, especially the first six episodes, very much. The repartee sparkled, the characters were well-defined, and the overall premise felt like it had legs. But as the show progressed, certain quirks began to emerge:

1. The lead character, Matt Albie (portrayed by Matthew Perry), is supposed to be a fantastic comedy writer. However, the sketches we see him write were so bizarrely unfunny that the whole credibility of the conceit (Matt as Comic Genius) became strained. One memorable sketch involved Juliette Lewis circa 1992 hosting Meet the Press..which may have been amusing...in 1992...but not in 2006.

2. About halfway into the series, Matt Albie's co-producer best friend Danny Tripp (portrayed by Bradley Whitford) became obsessed with the president of network programming, Jordan McDeere (portrayed by Amanda Peet). And by obsessed, I mean at one point he approached her and told her, "I'm coming for you, Jordan." Naturally, she asked him to back off. He said no. And we the audience were meant to consider this both endearing and romantic. Naturally by series end, Danny and Jordan end up together, if for no other reason than Aaron Sorkin likes to give happy endings to characters named Danny (i.e. Daniel Kaffee in A Few Good Men, Dan Rydell in Sports Night, and Danny Kincannon in The West Wing).

3. The show-within-the-show took itself waaaaaaaay too seriously. Almost every episode we're reminded that what they do is Important and affects the National Zeitgeist. Dude, it's sketch comedy.

I recently rewatched the entire series on Hulu. Some of the episodes still shine. My favorite then and now is "The Disaster Show," which guest stars Allison Janney as herself, doesn't include any of the Matt & Danny soap opera that weighed the show, doesn't take itself too seriously, and is just plain fun. Other highlights of the series include the overall performances (especially Ms. Peet, Sarah Paulson as Harriet Hayes, and Steven Weber as Jack Rudolph) and one really great gag involving a Hitler-Santa. Plus, there's this exchange from the 2nd episode, which is just plain perfect:
Harriet: I got a laugh at the table read when I asked for the butter in the dinner sketch. I didn't get it at the dress. What did I do wrong?
Matt: You asked for the laugh.
Harriet: What did I do at the table read?
Matt: You asked for the butter.
If you missed it the first time, it is worth seeing. I mean, how else are you going to spend your summer vacation?

(Word count: 20,498)

Sunday, April 27, 2008

I've been Bosch'd




Argh - I forgot to post yesterday! I'm going straight to hell:


(Word count: 19,986)

Friday, April 25, 2008

BumBot



(Word count: 18,292)

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Galileo's head was on the block...

...but he's back anyway.

After a brief hiatus due to, well, life, I've resumed writing on my new novel, Galileo's Aim . I eliminated two chapters that were written under less than desirable circumstances and am now back to Chapter 7, and only 18,000 words. S'ok. Quality beats quantity every single time.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Mom (continued)

Today was my mom's surgery.

We checked her in at 10am. By 12:30 she was in the O.R. The plan originally was to perform a hysterectomy and then remove as much additional cancer as they could find.

Like most plans, this one ran into an obstacle. In short, the cancer has made it impossible for the surgeons to remove her ovaries without also removing parts of her colon, spleen, and pancreas.

So:

Over the next four weeks, my mom will be recuperating. Then they will start her on a six-month battery of chemotherapy to help manage the disease, keep it from spreading, and (hopefully) reduce the malignancy which also has developed in her liver.

We are all very, very hopeful. Mom's a fighter. I know - I myself have fought her before and lost. And that was just over borrowing the car. Imagine how strong she'll fight here.

I want to thank everyone for the kind wishes they have left. I have shared them with her, and they really have meant a lot to us all.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

A Passover Recipe

...from the least Jewish newspaper in the nation, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution:

Passover Peanut Brittle

Hands on time: 20 minutes Total time: 25 minutes Serves: 20

Ingredients:

    2 cups granulated sugar

    1 1/2 cups raw peanuts, unsalted (without the skins)

    Pinch of salt

Instructions:

Generously grease a large cookie sheet (use a kosher-for-Passover margarine, or if you have a Silpat --- a rubber nonstick baking mat --- this is the perfect opportunity to use it to cover your baking pan.) In a heavy skillet over medium-low, heat sugar, stirring occasionally until it dissolves into liquid. Allow the sugar to cook, without stirring, until it reaches a very light caramel color (300 degrees on a candy thermometer). Add peanuts and salt, stirring until nuts are coated in golden liquid. Remove from heat and pour at once onto a greased baking pan or Silpat, spreading thinly with a spatula. It will begin to harden quickly.

Cool completely. Using hands, or asking your kids to use theirs, break into pieces and store in airtight container.

Nutrition:

Per serving: 139 calories (percent of calories from fat, 33), 3 grams protein, 2 grams carbohydrates, 1 gram fiber, 5 grams fat (1 gram saturated), no cholesterol, 9 milligrams sodium.


By the by, rabbis are in debate as to whether legumes can be consumed on Passover. In Israel and in most Sephardic communities, it's a non-issue; legumes such as peanuts are enjoyed all year round, including Passover. However, Hershey's chocolate is apparently 100% kosher for Passover, whether it contains peanuts or not. And if you follow that logic, you're a wiser person than I.

Monday, April 21, 2008

The Two-Minute Haggadah (via slate.com)

The Two-Minute Haggadah: A Passover service for the impatient.


Illustration by Mark Alan Stamaty. Click image to expand.

Opening prayers:

Thanks, God, for creating wine. (Drink wine.)

Thanks for creating produce. (Eat parsley.)

Overview: Once we were slaves in Egypt. Now we're free. That's why we're doing this.

Four questions:
1. What's up with the matzoh?
2. What's the deal with horseradish?
3. What's with the dipping of the herbs?
4. What's this whole slouching at the table business?

Answers:
1. When we left Egypt, we were in a hurry. There was no time for making decent bread.
2. Life was bitter, like horseradish.
3. It's called symbolism.
4. Free people get to slouch.

A funny story: Once, these five rabbis talked all night, then it was morning. (Heat soup now.)

The four kinds of children and how to deal with them:
Wise child—explain Passover.
Simple child—explain Passover slowly.
Silent child—explain Passover loudly.
Wicked child—browbeat in front of the relatives.

Speaking of children: We hid some matzoh. Whoever finds it gets five bucks.

The story of Passover: It's a long time ago. We're slaves in Egypt. Pharaoh is a nightmare. We cry out for help. God brings plagues upon the Egyptians. We escape, bake some matzoh. God parts the Red Sea. We make it through; the Egyptians aren't so lucky. We wander 40 years in the desert, eat manna, get the Torah, wind up in Israel, get a new temple, enjoy several years without being persecuted again. (Let brisket cool now.)



The 10 Plagues: Blood, Frogs, Lice—you name it.

The singing of "Dayenu":
If God had gotten us out of Egypt and not punished our enemies, it would've been enough. If he'd punished our enemies and not parted the Red Sea, it would've been enough.

If he'd parted the Red Sea—(Remove gefilte fish from refrigerator now.)

Eat matzoh. Drink more wine. Slouch.

Thanks again, God, for everything.

SERVE MEAL.


Sunday, April 20, 2008

Happy Passover (rebellion son edition)



(Word count: 22,092)

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Happy Passover!


(Word count: same as yesterday....but I did polish 60 pages in someone else's screenplay, so that's something, right?)

Friday, April 18, 2008

Now my blargh is an amazon too!

The spring cleaning continues!

(Word count: 21,555....eek, it's going the wrong way!)

Thursday, April 17, 2008

My blog now has its own pet!

His name is Fred. Just like his real life model.

(Word count: 21,561)

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Mom

If my blog entries have been a little light on substance this week, it's because my mind has been elsewhere.

Last week my mother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Test results she received yesterday indicate it's spread to her liver, abdominal cavity, and diaphragm. They are fairly certain the ovarian cancer is in stage four, but will be more certain after surgery. She is meeting with her oncologist on Friday.

Some of you have already expressed well-wishes. I appreciate it, and I know she appreciates it. As she said, "I guess it's time to put on the boxing gloves."

(Word count: 21,203)

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

All right already


Got this one from Scalzi. The man never met a photoshop he didn't turn to gold.
(Word count: 20,999 - argh, so close!)

Monday, April 14, 2008

Spring cleaning

I'm rearranging the visuals here. Tell me what you think.

Also, I'd love to add an amazon.com widget for my novel - anyone know how to do that?

(Word count: 20,313)

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Too much heaven on their minds

I love my AV weekend rule.

It's not that blogging is a chore - but knowing that I can just put up cool vids on Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays does lift a lot of pressure off my weary beano.

Anyway, here is today's video. It's from the underrated film version of Jesus Christ Superstar:



Did I mention that Jesus Christ Superstar (the show, not the film) is my favorite musical? Man, that Jew could sing...

And while we're on the subject of Judaism, today I did some Passover shopping with my dad and Shiela. $20.00 for a 6'' cake?! Oy vey!

(Word count: 19,023)

Saturday, April 12, 2008

The Legend of Old Greg

One of my students introduced me to this chunk of hilarious weirdness from the British comedy troupe The Mighty Boosh:

Old Greg


(Word count: 17,810)

Friday, April 11, 2008

Funny equals this



(Word count: 16,209)

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Brooke's Survival Guide

How would you survive a zombie apocalypse? How about a gendercide? Could you cope with a machine uprising or an alien invasion? What are your plans in the event of a nuclear attack?

These are the delightful questions my friend Brooke Tarnoff has asked celebrities like Edward James Olmos. Click here to view the results.

(Word count: 15,866)

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

I am an amazon (dot com)!

What are you waiting for?

Pre-order it!

You know you wanna!

Car tunes

What do the following songs have in common:

"Margarita" by The Traveling Wilburys
"Immortality" by Pearl Jam
"Poor Poor Pitiful Me" by Warren Zevon
"Take Me I'm Yours" by Squeeze
"Without Me" Eminem
"Scattered" by Green Day
"Somebody to Love" by Queen
"Rapture" by Blondie
"A Quick One (While He's Away)" by The Who
"The Way I Am" by Ingrid Michaelson
"Silly Game" by Prince

Give up?

They're the songs my Zune randomized this morning on the way to work.

A couple observations:

1. I love my Zune.
2. Random sometimes is better than planned.
3. Man, my commute is long.

(Word count: 15,051)

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Dumb writing = dumb person?

As many of you know, I teach at a two-year college in the Atlanta metro area. My campus is located about forty miles southeast of Atlanta in rural Newton County. As such, the demographics of my students tend toward the poorer end of the economic spectrum. I've had a few students who have been home-schooled, but most of my pupils are products of the K-12 public school system here in Georgia (currently ranked 41st of 50th in education).

In my introductory writing classes (ENG1101), I spend much of the time going over sentence structure, common grammar errors, the importance of a thesis, etc. Keep in mind - this is at the college level. I am left to wonder exactly what these students are taught in their high school English classes.

In my advanced writing classes, I try to concentrate more on critical analysis and research-based skills...but more often than not, some of the students still exhibit improper sentence structures, common grammatical errors, unfocused theses, etc. They have been conditioned by years and years of writing to compose the way they converse.

Why why why?

I don't write academic essays in the same informal style and voice I use here on my blog or elsewhere in, say, an email. Neither would you. But they do. Is this a generational thing? Can I blame No Child Left Behind? Because it really ticks me off. And the thing is - my students aren't the "dumb yokels" that society at large expects them to be. Many of them are insightful, hard-working, and eager to learn. But their K-12 foundation is so incredibly lacking.

Of course, not all of the blame can be attributed to the public schools. Some people are just ill-suited for classroom work. A student can only be as good as they want to be. But when they have the cards so stacked against them...

(Word count: 14,785)

Monday, April 7, 2008

Nineteen minutes


I just finished reading Nineteen Minutes, a recent novel by Jodi Picoult (author of My Sister's Keeper - which I think my mother recommended I read - and I did - and I loved - thanks Mom!).

Nineteen Minutes is about a high school shooting. Like most novels by Ms. Picoult, she breaks the story up among several major characters, including the shooter (a bullied young boy), a friend of his from grade school (now the girlfriend of a jock), the shooter's family, etc. This all-sides approach really lends a sense of even-handedness. It would be so easy to take sides in a story like this, but Ms. Picoult is cannier than that and knows that easy doesn't necessary equal good. As in My Sister's Keeper, everyone is right and everyone is wrong.

I think one reason in particular I so enjoyed this novel was my own experience in high school. I loved high school. I had a cadre of amazing friends, was involved in half-a-dozen extracurriculars, and learned most of what I know today (sorry, Binghamton). Junior high school, on the other hand, was, for me, a disaster. I was small, quiet, and had few friends. I was bullied on a regular basis. My grades suffered. My self-esteem suffered. Did I ever contemplate suicide? No. Did I fantasize about avenging myself on those who picked on me? Every day.

Then again, most writers tend to be outsiders, don't we?

They say you can't remember pain, but I remember 7th and 8th grade vividly. I made it through to the other side and, as I said, managed to have a really spectacular time in high school (well, for the most part -- I'll rant about my love life another time). Reading Nineteen Minutes and its convincing portrayal of high school hell (from all points-of-view) helped remind me
how far I've come...and how hard the journey often was.


(Word count: 13,635)

Sunday, April 6, 2008

My Name is Jeff Zucker

If you missed this Thursday's episode of My Name is Earl, here it is, worth watching if only for NBC President Jeff Zucker's very funny self-mockery regarding the recent WGA strike (although the highlight of the episode, for me, was God's little finger):



(Word count: 13,306)

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Bjork bjork bjork

Guess which Icelandic singer I've been listening a lot to lately? Anyway, I recently learned she wrote one of my favorite Madonna songs:



Listening to the song now, it kinda feels very obviously like a Bjork song, and thus my not realizing until recently that it is a Bjork song...well, what can I say? Sometimes Josh = dumbass.

(Word count: 11,795)

Friday, April 4, 2008

Best Trailer of the Year?



(Word count: 11,207)

Thursday, April 3, 2008

My car has been impregnated!!

Here is something you may not have known about the South:

Early in spring, the trees and flowers down here burst into full bloom. The process, apparently, takes about four hours. Once finished with their springtime blooming, the trees and flowers then explode with delight. And pollen.

Lots and lots of pollen.

Yesterday morning I left my apartment and didn't recognize my car. I drive a white sedan. The car I discovered yesterday morning was yellow. So I washed it off, started it up, and drove onto the streets - which were yellow - past buildings - which were yellow.

Lots and lots of pollen.

You might think I'm exaggerating. I'm not. The whole city was smothered in powder. As if it had rained yellow chalk.

It was beautiful for about a minute and then very, very gross for the rest of the day.

SOME PEOPLE WERE COVERED IN POLLEN.

Did you ever see that movie where evil spores from outer space descended on an innocent town and no one was the wiser until the spores possessed everyone?

Sigh.

(Word count: 10,885)

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Pimpin' my housemates

The spring publishing season has begun! Expect new books from Augustin Burroughs, Jim Butcher, and David Sedaris.

Also (bias! bias!) check out these books being released this spring by my own publisher:


Bathtub Admirals
by Jeff Huber

Belly of the Whale by Linda Merlino

Callous by TK Kenyon

Hunting the King by Peter Clenott

Janeology by Karen Harrington

MADicine by Derek Armstrong

Miracle Myx by Dave Diotalevi

Unholy Domain by Dan Ronco

Good luck to all!

(Word count: 9,173)

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Time to reheat your coach potatoes

The new shows are returning to network TV:

Hell’s Kitchen (Fox) April 1
The Secret Lives of Women (WE) April 1
CSI (CBS) April 3
LA Ink (TLC) April 3
My Name Is Earl (NBC) April 3
Rock The Cradle (MTV) April 3
Step Up And Dance (Bravo) April 3
Without A Trace (CBS) April 3
Battlestar Galactica (SciFi) April 4
Duel (ABC) April 4
Ghost Whisperer (CBS) April 4
Numbers (CBS) April 4
Date My House (TLC) April 5
Snapped (Oxygen) April 6
Wire In The Blood (BBCA) April 6
Samantha Who? (ABC) April 7
Boston Legal (ABC) April 8
NCIS (CBS) April 8
ER (NBC) April 10
The Office (NBC) April 10
Scrubs (NBC) April 10
30 Rock (NBC) April 10
Sarah Jane Adventures (SciFi) April 11
Desperate Housewives (ABC) April 13
Viva Hollywood (VH1) April 13
Can You Duet (CMT) April 14
Dirty Jobs (Discovery) April 14
Miss Rap Supreme (VH1) April 14
One Tree Hill (CW) April 14
Paper, The (MTV) April 14
Rules of Engagement (CBS) April 14
According to Jim (ABC) April 15
Deadliest Catch (Discovery) April 15
Deion & Pilar (Oxygen) April 15
Greenovate (TLC) April 15
Law & Order: SVU (NBC) April 15
Wasted (TLC) April 15
Back To You (Fox) April 16
Big 4-0 (TVL) April 16
How They’re Made (Discovery) April 16
Real World 20 (MTV) April 16
Under One Roof (MyNet) April 16
Smallville (CW) April 16
Doctor Who (SciFi) April 18
Block, The (G4) April 20
Brothers & Sisters (ABC) April 20
Life In The Fab Lane (Style) April 20
Gossip Girl (CW) April 21
X-Terminators (Discovery) April 21
Alaska Experiment (Discovery) April 22
Law & Order (NBC) April 22
Reaper (CW) April 22
American Chopper (TLC) April 24
Grey’s Anatomy (ABC) April 24
Lost (ABC) April 24
Miami Ink (TLC) April 24
Supernatural (CW) April 24
Ugly Betty (ABC) April 24
Moonlight (CBS) April 25
Graham Norton Show (BBCA) April 26
Robin Hood (BBCA) April 26
House (Fox) April 28
Wildfire (ABC Family) April 28
Shark (CBS) April 29
Women’s Murder Club (ABC) April 29
Farmer Takes A Wife (CW) April 30


I think I've heard of, like, 60% of these. "Life in the Fab Lane?" "Date My House?" "Farmer Takes a Wife??" Sigh.

(Word count: 8,147)